I came home from my corporate-team-run-around-in-the-rain-and-use-yellow-rope-and-elastic-bands-to-pick-up-ping-pong-balls-as-a-team-challenge, and I thought, “Is this my life? Is this my house? Am I really responsible for making sure we have toothpaste and the carpet is vaccumed every week?”

There was some part of me that awoke when I was deemed to be the most capable map-reader and the one who shall hold the compass on our team. I really enjoyed the feeling of directing others through the woods, confident in my ability to read the map and direct our team. I liked being somewhat in charge, not all the time of course, but sometimes. Making decisions that benefitted our team. I enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment and achievement that comes from these kinds of organized team sports – we placed better than we expected, we stuck together as a team, we encouraged each other, we did well at the tasks we chose to do.

I enjoyed being independent, having the time and emotional space to be by myself, to think my own thoughts, to react simply. I dreamed about building a house last night. It was simple and small, but very sturdy. I was building it by hand, out of bricks. I was on the roof, repairing holes by weaving together reeds. I was packing boxes, preparing to move my stuff from one house to the other.

I want to be as certain of where I am going in my life as I was certain of where we were going on the map. Decide where I want to go, align my compass and choose a route. And then just go there.

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