When I’m feeling stressed and anxious, I feel like I need to write. It’s like a survival mechanism or something. But when I’m coping, happy enough and feelin’ fine? You got it, I’m busy enjoying life and less likely to stop and write about it. This phenomenon means that if anyone does inherit my paper journals after I’m dead, they will think I lived a totally miserable life or was just a big complainer. They are filled with page after page of whining and moaning.
So: the good news is that I’m happy. The bad news is that I’m not writing about it and sharing my peaceful existence with you all.
What’s got me so happy? It’s springtime, for one. The city is shrugging off the cold, damp winter air and we’re starting to see the sun from time to time. A street full of cherry trees in full bloom makes me very happy. I’ve also come to terms with who I am right now, and doing so has really freed up a lot of energy that was being wasted by beating myself up over not being who everyone else thought I should be. Or even who I assumed other people wanted me to be, which is even more inept than bowing to the clearly stated opinions of others. In short: I gave up one of my writing gigs, stopped telling myself that I HAD to have a career in order to be a worthwhile person who had something to give to the world, and generally chilled right out. And you know what? I’m happy! Phew, that wasn’t so hard.
So I spend my days hanging out with Bea, talking with her about everything we see and do and showing her how the world works. I get to sleep through the night more and more often, I dye and spin my own yarns, read interesting books and never have to deal with office politics.
I think part of the reason I don’t often write about being happy is that I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging (and I don’t want to jinx it either). There also seems to be some kind of correlation between happiness and my writing ability, with happiness being directly related to sloppy writing and bad grammar, so it sounds like I’m happy but dumb. Yet, despite all that I just had to tell you: I’m happy.
I’d also like to tell you that due to being slammed by comment spam (300+ in the space of a few hours!) I’ve tweaked the comment settings here and you will now need to be approved by moi before your comment appears on the site. We’ll see how it goes, but please – if you’re a real person don’t hesitate to leave a comment. I love getting feedback from you guys and I’d hate to shut comments down due to spam.

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