clearbluecup

dark nights

seeping

spilled ink pooling on paper

indelible marks

smudged beneath my eyes

which crinkle at the corners

rheumy pains in my shoulder

and i protest:

i'm still young!

death is not yet allowed this stealthy

encroachment

pains reach down

with branching fingers

tubers in the loamy earth

i am conscious, certainly

uncertain

this tangible self

warm, cold, shivering, ecstatic

electrical conduit

turbulent pool of water

murky with mud and earth

and clay

gracefully clumsy

with the grace of god

there go I

my rheumy shoulder

my prematurely wrinkled eyes

that see tomorrow approach

just a big minute away

from becoming today

and the majestic oak

calmly reaching toward

the sky

stretching out,

sending ropes down

into the very womb of the earth

counting years like days

that accumulate on the surface

of its tangible self

insects chewing on blighted leaves

and rheumy limbs

that reach towards the sun

regardless

Last night I dreamed, among other things, that I saw myself walking through a green field, wearing a purple sweater with a long yellow top underneath, and holding a yellow telephone on my shoulder. The phone was just balancing there where the neck of my sweater turned over and bunched up. I didn't look like I needed to hold it down with the side of my jaw, or scrunch my shoulder up to keep the phone from falling off. Affixed by some mysterious and powerful force, the phone simply rested there beside me as I walked.

My best presents this year haven't been wrapped up and waiting for me beneath the tree, but have been fruits hanging on the branches of my life that have finally ripened and are starting to drop into my lap.

After 3 1/2 years of saying I was going to start driving, yesterday I drove all the way to and from west cork for the first time (except for the last 15 feet, which involved backing into our driveway, the width of which is only 6 inches wider than the car. I let Tom do that bit for me.) I was nervous, and I did stall the engine half a dozen times trying to turn the car around in Andy's driveway in order to do an uphill start, but I made it the whole way. Only 5 more months of dedicated practice and lessons and maybe I'll be ready to take the test.