clearbluecup

i knew that one day out of the training would be absolute mayhem.

today was it.

no projector, no computer, and half of the participants computers were down as well. ack.

sorry there haven't been more updates. work has been chaotic for a while, and I honestly don't expect it to be any better until February, with a short break for Christmas.

despite all the disaster at work and the superbusy-ness, I feel like there is change brewing in me. I feel like there are new leaves in there, waiting. developing. branches of my future self beginning to poke out. starting to look very clearly at my self, my behaviours, how I influence others and how I evaluate myself.

can't wait for spring. 20 days to solstice. welcome to december...

I'm finished training my classes, my birthday is on monday and I'm going out for dinner tonight with the man I love!

life is good.

too many computers? NEVER!!

At the moment I am thinking about this, this, and this. and learning how to build and maintain a good peat fire.

recent events summarised into point form:

1. i quit my job

2. i came down with a whopper case of the flu

3. i adopted a kitten

all this happened in the span of four days or so, and even if i hadn't come down with the flu my head would still be spinning.

the whole mess with my job has been going on for ages, but the straw that broke this camel's back fell in a meeting last friday afternoon. i'm not sure I want to spill all the gory details on the internet, so if you know me personally and want to hear the whole story send me an email and i'll dish. i spent the whole weekend at andy's house, sitting by the fire looking out at roaringwater bay and thinking about what I was going to do. in the end i decided that for the sake of my sense of dignity and self-worth i had to quit; i couldn't work for this company any longer.

the flu came upon me at work on monday. i was psyching myself up to go talk to my boss about the whole situation and I never got the chance, he was either absent or busy with other people. i think the anxiety and stress ambushed my immune system and whatever virus was hiding in me got a chance to dig in it's claws. by monday evening i had a fever and body aches. i spent all day today wrapped up in a blanket lying on the couch, watching amelie and dozing. oh, and playing with our new kitten... :)

i'd been thinking about getting a kitten for some time, and finally decided last week to go for it. while we were in west cork i contacted a lady who had kittens to give away, and we met her this morning to pick up puss. we're not sure yet if it's a boy or girl kitten so I'm going to hold off on the naming until we're sure. the lady thought it was a girl, but I have a hunch it's a boy. we will go for a routine vet checkup soon and get a definitive answer. she/he was pretty shy at first, but after a saucer of milk, some catnip toys and a rub behind the ears she/he started to warm up to us.

i'm still mentally processing the job situation, and to be completely honest i have no idea what is coming in the future. i will start to apply for new jobs straight away, and now that i have some new skills and experience hopefully there are more opportunities available. and christmas is just around the corner! new year, new beginnings. let's hope it's a good one.

little miss claus has made herself at home with us, and is settling in just fine. she's very well behaved, litter trained, and congenial except for the occasional mewling for mewlk! beside the refrigerator. oh, and every now and then we have to watch those razor sharp claws. but with eyes like this she gets away with a fair bit.

the situation with my job has settled down again. After much thinking and discussion with various people I've decided to stay until the end of january. Strangely, I feel better with this decision than I did about just leaving immediately. I felt a little like a jellyfish being battered back and forth by the stormy sea, swaying this way and that with the influence of others. But the benefits of staying for even a few weeks make it worthwhile.

more kitten photos below...click on "more"

Little darling, it痴 been a long cold lonely winter

Little darling, it feels like years since it痴 been here

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say it痴 all right

bring on the sun, bring on the happy shiny faces, bring on early evening sunshine and the iced lemonades and the sunscreen!

The ancient peoples who lived in ireland three or four thousand years before Christ knew how to celebrate the solstice - there is a passage in Newgrange that aligns with the sun rising on the morning of the solstice and brings sunlight into a chamber deep inside the mound. Interesting info here on astroarcheological sites in ireland.

I can't wait until the sun starts to come back. I've been seriously hibernating the past two weeks, sleeping 10 or 12 hours a night, cancelling all my social engagements, haven't been exercising or going out anywhere. even at home I haven't been doing anything, just sleeping, and when I sleep it's deep and dreamless.

Merry Christmas!

I know I'm late with my updates but since it's the holidays i'm taking a rest from lots of things, like telling myself "I should _" or "I really must_". I've been sleeping until noon, eating lots of doritos and salsa, playing with my kitten and sitting beside the fire. It's been great.

Christmas itself was quite fun. We had tom's family over for Christmas day, and there was a lot of bustle and fun and eating and wrapping paper everywhere. About 2pm on the day it started to snow, and the flakes continued to fall out of the sky until 4 or 5. It was absolutely magical, huge soft flakes falling quietly and all the christmas spirit swelling up. Chloe and Sara went out into the back yard and made a snowman out of three snowballs and a flower, and it was still there when we woke up on Boxing Day.

We are planning on going out to west cork tomorrow to visit Albion, a family friend who came home to Ireland from Thailand on the 23rd. I haven't heard whether the place where he was living is ok or not, and whether his friends there are ok, but the coincidence has really struck me that just after he left there was this huge disaster. I even thought back to November, when I nearly hopped on a plane and went to Thailand myself. What if I did? Life could go in an infinite number of ways, and I'm thankful that I decided to stay and that Albion decided to come home for Christmas this year.

As the new year approaches I've been thinking a lot about what I want to achieve in the next twelve months. I've got a few major goals that I'm focused on at the moment - finding a new job and starting a master's - and a lot of smaller, continual goals like staying positive, focusing on appreciating the current moment, continuing with yoga and exercise, keeping up with all the little chores that tend to pile up on top of me. The practice of making new year's resolutions always seems to be a little pointless to me though, as each year is full of important things that were completely unplanned and unexpected. c'est la vie.

(as an update to my job situation, i decided to tell them that i'd stay on until the end of January. i felt like i was making the right choice for what i needed in the future, and i also felt like a jellyfish for not sticking with my original choice. i think the human ability to feel more than one emotion at once is responsible for the majority of mental health issues. confusing! but i think i'll have a better job-hunting situation to deal with in january than i would in the middle of december.)

((click on any of the photos above to see the new albums - flowers, christmas and cat antics.))