clearbluecup

ok, more links. when you're at home by yourself alot, this is what happens. real content dissapears from your website and is replaced by:

Emotion Eric

click on any of the links on the left hand side to see a webcam shot of eric conveying that emotion. see especially: love, senile dementia, multiplicity, procrastination #2 and teaching emotions to a robot.

edit:: adding "subtly farting in a crowded elevator" to the see especially list.

So I went to my first train the trainer class today. It was pretty laid back, lots of discussion and tips on how to deal with common classroom situations. And we all had to get up there in front of the class and talk for five minutes on a topic of our choice. In front of a videocamera. hey there nerves! let's make a deal... you let me off the hook here and I'll find some nice reward for you soon. deal?

When it came to watching ourselves I think that everyone was a little bit surprised at the outcome. It's a weird thing, watching a recording of yourself. I hadn't done it in a long long time - probably since some high school concert where all I had to do was sit there with a clarinet in my mouth or a microphone in my hand and hide behind all the other kids with clarinets or microphones.

So I sat there and watched the little video michelle explain the benefits of yoga and draw little stick men on the flipchart (public speaking is one thing, but publicly demonstrating yoga positions by myself is quite another). It wasn't so bad, actually. When I was speaking I felt very scattered and stuck for words, but when I watched my presentation on the video I was amazed at how much more composed and in control I appeared.

I'm really going to do this. It's starting to sink in. The magnitude of preparation I need to do is starting to dawn on me, and I'm beginning to imagine myself standing in front of my bathroom mirror going over address structure rules and the key fields on the business partner screen. Soon I'll be dreaming in powerpoint slides and flipchart diagrams...

T-22days and counting.

At this point, work has swollen to such mammoth proportions of importance in my life that I'm starting to dream about it. I am interpreting this as a bad but hopefully temporary state of affairs - if I may quote the film waking life: "it's bad enough they get your waking life for $5 an hour, but now they get your dreams for free."

Everyone else on my team is being stretched to breaking too. At this point I'd say it's fair to state that everyone on the project is being stretched to breaking as well, not just our team, although our deadline is the closest. 22 days away, to be exact. and the system is still changing every day. and will likely change every day between now and january. I don't think there is anything more frustrating than a moving target.

and so I go home after work, sometimes after dark. I sit numbly on the bus, hands folded neatly over my handbag, no energy left to even find my music player and unwind my headphones. wind and rain whistle around my windows at night and I wonder - if this is august, what will november be like? I wonder where the summer has gone, where the sunshine, the friends, the carefree afternoons, the freedom to surf and write emails and work at my own pace has gone. It's a natural cycle, preparations building to a climax and then the moment of truth.

despite my negativity at 9pm when I'm leaving work, or today when it's the weekend and I can't manage to relax and enjoy myself, I think I'm doing alright. as well as can be expected. my best in a difficult situation. I'm being recognised for my efforts, some of my suggestions are being 'taken on board'. other times I feel somewhat helpless, a pawn in a king's game. essentially powerless to change anything that matters except my own attitude, the way I spin these changes being forced upon everyone. I watch my coworkers, each reacting to the pressure in their own way, and I am thankful at least that I am young and flexible and used to stressful situations enough to escape relatively unscathed.

except for my dreams, that is. and this feeling of perpetual tension.



I think I will go for a long, long run this afternoon.

me: i wish we went out more.

t: let's go out.

me: but there's nothing going on.

t: would you like to watch a fawlty towers?

me: i don't feel like watching tv. what would you like to do?

t: i don't know.

me: should we go out?

t: sure.

5 minutes later.

t: are you going to get ready to go out?

me: I don't really feel like going out.

it's a catch-22 cost-benefit relationship with us and the club scene in cork. we need to go out, we really do. we need to meet more people, expand our social existence. and yet, when it comes time to actually haul ourselves up off the couch and into the fray of 15-year olds in miniskirts and heavy makeup who have snuck past the bouncers, and through the crowd of langers hanging round the club doors with cigarettes and tispy pints, it just doesn't seem worth the time, effort or money. where are the sound, friendly people? i have a sneaking suspicion that they're all at home sitting on the couch, drinking wine with their friends.

we're trying out some new photo software at the moment, looking for something that has features like the slideshow and thumbnails that we've already been using, and new features like comments, keywords, and full-size photos available to download. Tom came across this open-source software called coppermine, and we'd appreciate any feedback. Is it easy to use? how are the comments and keywords? I know the template is a bit uninspiring, but if it works well I can always fiddle around with how it looks later.

Here's some photos we took today on our afternoon jaunt in Fota Park. Click on the photo to go into the new photo album.