T-22days and counting.
At this point, work has swollen to such mammoth proportions of importance in my life that I'm starting to dream about it. I am interpreting this as a bad but hopefully temporary state of affairs - if I may quote the film waking life: "it's bad enough they get your waking life for $5 an hour, but now they get your dreams for free."
Everyone else on my team is being stretched to breaking too. At this point I'd say it's fair to state that everyone on the project is being stretched to breaking as well, not just our team, although our deadline is the closest. 22 days away, to be exact. and the system is still changing every day. and will likely change every day between now and january. I don't think there is anything more frustrating than a moving target.
and so I go home after work, sometimes after dark. I sit numbly on the bus, hands folded neatly over my handbag, no energy left to even find my music player and unwind my headphones. wind and rain whistle around my windows at night and I wonder - if this is august, what will november be like? I wonder where the summer has gone, where the sunshine, the friends, the carefree afternoons, the freedom to surf and write emails and work at my own pace has gone. It's a natural cycle, preparations building to a climax and then the moment of truth.
despite my negativity at 9pm when I'm leaving work, or today when it's the weekend and I can't manage to relax and enjoy myself, I think I'm doing alright. as well as can be expected. my best in a difficult situation. I'm being recognised for my efforts, some of my suggestions are being 'taken on board'. other times I feel somewhat helpless, a pawn in a king's game. essentially powerless to change anything that matters except my own attitude, the way I spin these changes being forced upon everyone. I watch my coworkers, each reacting to the pressure in their own way, and I am thankful at least that I am young and flexible and used to stressful situations enough to escape relatively unscathed.
except for my dreams, that is. and this feeling of perpetual tension.
I think I will go for a long, long run this afternoon.